[Much like with Gale's door, Pom finds Northly's via scent: old books, scrubland, a cool river on a clear morning. He leaves a package for her, making sure she's not in before doing so: she'd probably want to hug him if she was around, and he's still conflicted with how he feels about that. In the paper parcel is a leather satchel, perfect for carrying all her snacks around town. Given the way it's stitched together with sinew and leather cording, there's no doubt this is a handmade gift.
But wait, there's more! Within an inner pocket is a necklace: hanging from a leather cord is a pendant made from a claw and some wire, carefully constructed with the pliers he usually uses for his instruments. Someone must have noticed Northly's affinity for jewellery, and thought she might like some more.]
I like to focus on how to make them intimate. If intimacy is what I aiming to achieve, then considering the nuances of what each character is feeling and any struggles they may have with that intimacy can lend focus, particularly as a lead in to the next plot developments.
If you bring your reader to become fully immersed in the story, they will overlook most flaws.
[She giggles.]
Though as writers we would prefer our works to be without flaw.
[Someone does not understand that "intimate" equals "sex" here.]
yo northly. i wrote something. its not done but thought i'd show what i have so far. uh yea, hope u like it or whatever. its been fun, probably gonna do more
[Eli has attached a file that's a few chapters long. Unlike the way he types on the network, his writing makes extensive use of his vocabulary and has good grammar and punctuation. Parts of it have tones of dry humor and silliness, while other parts can get pretty intense and impassioned, with more flowery language. Despite the shifts in style, his narrative voice is strong.
The first chapter sets the scene- he has put some of the gods from his universe into essentially a high school AU. He calls it an academy, and it has a more noble/magic vibe than an earth public high school, but same difference. There are your typical school cliques. The jocks and partying/drug-using kids, who don't have any particular characters named. The popular girls, who include Soothea (the sun goddess Eli has beef with), renamed to Sophie, your classic beautiful blonde meangirl, and her sidekick Leandra, (goddess of vanity and selfishness), constantly doing her own makeup in the dining hall.
Mostly, the story focuses on a group of outcasts. Nita, his moon goddess, is cast as a big titty goth girl, a moon elf. Alearah (goddess of elves and knowledge) is a nerdy little high elf who hardly says a word but is top of her class. Deth (god of death), a nonbinary goth person who seems to be there simply to make the clique more emo-flavoured. Aveena, the goddess of love and fertility, cast as a hippie chick who floats between their group and the partying crowd. The main character is Kiddal, a tiefling boy based on the god of fire. Emulating the lore Eli knows of Kiddal in his world, he was a jock on a sportsball team who got too aggressive on the field, and his anger issues led to some very dangerous situations. As a result, he was kicked off the team and exiled from his group of sportsfriends. He ended up at the bottom of the social ladder with the outcasts, but found unlikely love with Aveena. Kiddal's fiery personality is tempered by Aveena's calm warmth, and she shows him a gentler way of being, while in turn he shows her what true passion looks like. Clearly, Eli is projecting some of himself into Kiddal, but he's not a pure self-insert by any means.
In chapter two, Kiddal meets the outcasts, and in chapter three, there's some flirting and tension between him and Aveena.
Eli then adds:]
thinkin about a love triangle with nita or sm. what do u think i wish it was more gay but this is just how the cookie crumbled with the genders of the gods
[Surprised to receive the document, it nonetheless takes Northly only a short time to read through the document Eli sent her. And then she reads through it again, keeping in mind his thoughts on where he might go from here.
Once done, she messages him back. In fact, she messages him several times.]
This is very good!! Kiddal is an interesting hero and I found Sophie and Leandra charming comic relief.
How would you resolve your love triangle if you included it? I must admit to finding them quite tiresome in many stories here. [And she didn't know what they were before she came here. Her world being a huge proponent of the mantra: "Por qué no los dos?" was one reason she wrote a polyamorous story in her novella.] I think rather than with Nita where the resolution is clear [threesome] if you were to include one you could raise the tension by having Aveena begin a relationship with Sophie where the resolution would be more difficult to reach. [So, still a threesome, but it would take a while.]
i also find love triangles overdone but i need some source of conflict. i would probably have it resolve by them all being together lol love the idea of aveena going for sophie, that def adds some drama maybe i could also add conflict another way, kiddal's rep continuing to affect things or his anger issues continuing to be a problem
lmao, i didnt want to put a sex scene where it didnt seem natural. kiddal jerking off, comin right up. i think i could write a chapter from aveena's perspective of her fucking sophie at a party
i COULD change the genders, just to me aveena and kiddal work best as the genders they are. i could make nita a dude and add him in maybe, thatd be hot, idk
Something involving Kiddal's reputation coming into play is a great idea! Perhaps as Aveena and Sophie grow closer, Sophie suggests that Aveena shouldn't be seen to favour someone with that reputation. And then something happens to spark Kiddal's anger leading to Aveena wondering if Sophie was actually correct, though she has difficulty reconciling his anger with the person she knows.
From there Kiddal would need to rebuild his relationship with Aveena, and perhaps get to know Sophie, where the two of them discover they have more in common than they thought. She seems similarly bound by the way others perceive her and inclined to lash out when she feels threatened, Sophie with words and Kiddal with fists.
I like the idea of Nita as a man! Would he retain the same characteristics as the current version? [So, big titty goth dude.]
Depending on your intended length, you could have an arc involving Kiddal's friendship (or "friendship with benefits") with Nita suffering for the attention he is giving the issues between him and Aveena.
So, first of all, my apologies that this is so extremely, embarrassingly, and frankly, quite rudely belated. I don't even have the excuse of being a slow reader so much as I just foolishly didn't get around to it until months later. So!
Ahem.
Hello, my name is Eleanor, and I'm absolutely delighted by your "Love in another world" series. Or, I dearly hope it's a series, considering it was labeled part 1 and that I will be terribly sad if it ends on such a cliffhanger.
(I also understand, though. I'm a writer myself, so that's how things go.)
Consider this a very impromptu fanmail and/or application for friendship.
[Eleanor is so late, Northly has changed her network username by the time she replies! No more is Northly "nñ" but rather the much preferable "🌸 northly 🌸"!]
Application accepted!!!
I have been meaning to submit another letter to AUG, but have been busy. I have finished part two! I have attached it for you, if you would like to read it. I am supposed to be selling it, and the physical version does cost numis, but it seems silly to make people pay when they are reading from syntrofos. [Lindsey won't be impressed if they find out, but there are so few augmented compared to Karterians, it should be fine.]
Reaching out to say hello was an even better idea than I thought! Thank you so much for what I'm going to call a preview copy. When the physical version is out, I will gladly and proudly add it to my shelf. I have to support my fellow writers, naturally.
(And I'll get back to you with my thoughts in a few days!)
Though out of similar professional curiosity, how are you selling it? I've had the idea to start up a zine of sorts, since I'm thoroughly unimpressed with the journalism that took place last month... So, that sounds like a good place to maybe start.
My friend (and employer) Lindsey owns the store And More — they set it all up! I am sure they would be happy to help connect you. My works have been selling quite well, and if you have interest in writing similar stories they could sell them here, too!
Username: silverbell Name: Kazahana ??? Age: 19 Hometown: Andleton, United States
SURPRISE...! You have been visited by the ~*~FORTUNE FAIRY~*~! All this FAIRY wants to do is BRING YOU GOOD LUCK!
Little Susie in Kelesis made sure to share this FAIRY with her entire family, and she received GOOD LUCK, RICHES beyond her wildest dreams for more than TWENTY YEARS!!! This could be YOU! Don't be like Susie's cousin, Jimmy. He BROKE THE CHAIN and he ended up in a WELL! OH NO!
Pass this message onto others with GOOD INTENT. If you send the ~*~FORTUNE FAIRY'S MESSAGE~*~ to three people, your luck will grow... Seven people, you will win the LOTTERY...... Ten people, and you will be happy for TEN YEARS!!! The more people that hear this message, the better! Let the FORTUNE FAIRY share its wisdom with YOU. Copy this message and send it to all of your FRIENDS!
[Just as the weather takes a severe dip into colder temperatures, Pom keeps his word and makes a delivery for Northly - or, more accurately, he waits outside the library for her to emerge, knowing that if he goes inside, she'll ask how his reading lessons are going, and he's not ready to answer that question.
So linger outside in the cold himself it is, a package tucked under his arm. Wrapped in festive paper and a ribbon, it's clearly a gift. As the library closes up for the evening, he watches patrons and employees both step out the door and into the street as he waits for his opportunity to catch Northly off-guard.]
[Rowan bundled her up before she left her flat in the morning, and as such she is in fact wearing one of Pom's stolen shirts. Though it looks silly and oversized on her, she was taken enough by the idea that she allowed the gesture, them declaring "much better" as they sent her our the door. And maybe that's the charm that resulted in this treat as she steps into the cold.
She knew he was nearby thanks to their earrings and the proximity of his bundle of nerves clear enough through the bond regardless, but the package is a true surprise. She thought for sure he would slip away having left it in her nest bed.]
[It’s Christmas! And I don’t have time to thread this out, so on Christmas morning she finds a present in the bed, Rowan having already left with a bunch of other deliveries to make.
There are two packages. The first one contains inks in as many colours as they could find. There’s no pen or brush with them - they know she doesn’t need it. And the other is a hair clip, big enough to clip her curly hair back, decorated with familiar green feathers.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
[a smidge of action]
But wait, there's more! Within an inner pocket is a necklace: hanging from a leather cord is a pendant made from a claw and some wire, carefully constructed with the pliers he usually uses for his instruments. Someone must have noticed Northly's affinity for jewellery, and thought she might like some more.]
text, un: sextus
Voice, un: nñ
[And this time of day is often quiet.]
switchin to voice
[A beat, and the noise of some shuffling papers.]
So I've been working on rewriting my novel, and I'm getting tired of my own vocabulary. How do you like to do the intimate scenes?
no subject
I like to focus on how to make them intimate. If intimacy is what I aiming to achieve, then considering the nuances of what each character is feeling and any struggles they may have with that intimacy can lend focus, particularly as a lead in to the next plot developments.
If you bring your reader to become fully immersed in the story, they will overlook most flaws.
[She giggles.]
Though as writers we would prefer our works to be without flaw.
[Someone does not understand that "intimate" equals "sex" here.]
text, @viciousabyss
[Eli has attached a file that's a few chapters long. Unlike the way he types on the network, his writing makes extensive use of his vocabulary and has good grammar and punctuation. Parts of it have tones of dry humor and silliness, while other parts can get pretty intense and impassioned, with more flowery language. Despite the shifts in style, his narrative voice is strong.
The first chapter sets the scene- he has put some of the gods from his universe into essentially a high school AU. He calls it an academy, and it has a more noble/magic vibe than an earth public high school, but same difference. There are your typical school cliques. The jocks and partying/drug-using kids, who don't have any particular characters named. The popular girls, who include Soothea (the sun goddess Eli has beef with), renamed to Sophie, your classic beautiful blonde meangirl, and her sidekick Leandra, (goddess of vanity and selfishness), constantly doing her own makeup in the dining hall.
Mostly, the story focuses on a group of outcasts. Nita, his moon goddess, is cast as a big titty goth girl, a moon elf. Alearah (goddess of elves and knowledge) is a nerdy little high elf who hardly says a word but is top of her class. Deth (god of death), a nonbinary goth person who seems to be there simply to make the clique more emo-flavoured. Aveena, the goddess of love and fertility, cast as a hippie chick who floats between their group and the partying crowd. The main character is Kiddal, a tiefling boy based on the god of fire. Emulating the lore Eli knows of Kiddal in his world, he was a jock on a sportsball team who got too aggressive on the field, and his anger issues led to some very dangerous situations. As a result, he was kicked off the team and exiled from his group of sportsfriends. He ended up at the bottom of the social ladder with the outcasts, but found unlikely love with Aveena. Kiddal's fiery personality is tempered by Aveena's calm warmth, and she shows him a gentler way of being, while in turn he shows her what true passion looks like. Clearly, Eli is projecting some of himself into Kiddal, but he's not a pure self-insert by any means.
In chapter two, Kiddal meets the outcasts, and in chapter three, there's some flirting and tension between him and Aveena.
Eli then adds:]
thinkin about a love triangle with nita or sm. what do u think
i wish it was more gay but this is just how the cookie crumbled with the genders of the gods
1/4
Once done, she messages him back. In fact, she messages him several times.]
This is very good!! Kiddal is an interesting hero and I found Sophie and Leandra charming comic relief.
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[Pro writing tips.]
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love the idea of aveena going for sophie, that def adds some drama
maybe i could also add conflict another way, kiddal's rep continuing to affect things or his anger issues continuing to be a problem
lmao, i didnt want to put a sex scene where it didnt seem natural. kiddal jerking off, comin right up. i think i could write a chapter from aveena's perspective of her fucking sophie at a party
i COULD change the genders, just to me aveena and kiddal work best as the genders they are. i could make nita a dude and add him in maybe, thatd be hot, idk
no subject
From there Kiddal would need to rebuild his relationship with Aveena, and perhaps get to know Sophie, where the two of them discover they have more in common than they thought. She seems similarly bound by the way others perceive her and inclined to lash out when she feels threatened, Sophie with words and Kiddal with fists.
I like the idea of Nita as a man! Would he retain the same characteristics as the current version? [So, big titty goth dude.]
Depending on your intended length, you could have an arc involving Kiddal's friendship (or "friendship with benefits") with Nita suffering for the attention he is giving the issues between him and Aveena.
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cw emeto mention
also cw emeto mention
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un: salem
Ahem.
Hello, my name is Eleanor, and I'm absolutely delighted by your "Love in another world" series. Or, I dearly hope it's a series, considering it was labeled part 1 and that I will be terribly sad if it ends on such a cliffhanger.
(I also understand, though. I'm a writer myself, so that's how things go.)
Consider this a very impromptu fanmail and/or application for friendship.
un: 🌸 northly 🌸
Application accepted!!!
I have been meaning to submit another letter to AUG, but have been busy. I have finished part two! I have attached it for you, if you would like to read it. I am supposed to be selling it, and the physical version does cost numis, but it seems silly to make people pay when they are reading from syntrofos. [Lindsey won't be impressed if they find out, but there are so few augmented compared to Karterians, it should be fine.]
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(And I'll get back to you with my thoughts in a few days!)
Though out of similar professional curiosity, how are you selling it? I've had the idea to start up a zine of sorts, since I'm thoroughly unimpressed with the journalism that took place last month... So, that sounds like a good place to maybe start.
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text, mid-september
Name: Kazahana ???
Age: 19
Hometown: Andleton, United States
SURPRISE...! You have been visited by the ~*~FORTUNE FAIRY~*~! All this FAIRY wants to do is BRING YOU GOOD LUCK!
Little Susie in Kelesis made sure to share this FAIRY with her entire family, and she received GOOD LUCK, RICHES beyond her wildest dreams for more than TWENTY YEARS!!! This could be YOU! Don't be like Susie's cousin, Jimmy. He BROKE THE CHAIN and he ended up in a WELL! OH NO!
Pass this message onto others with GOOD INTENT. If you send the ~*~FORTUNE FAIRY'S MESSAGE~*~ to three people, your luck will grow... Seven people, you will win the LOTTERY...... Ten people, and you will be happy for TEN YEARS!!! The more people that hear this message, the better! Let the FORTUNE FAIRY share its wisdom with YOU. Copy this message and send it to all of your FRIENDS!
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[Look! She knows me mes, too!]
How many have you sent it to?? Aren't LUK stats supposed to be unmeasurable???
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i
i don't know?
i think i sent it to about ten people
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backdated to early Nov
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[She hesitates, then erases the message before sending it. Instead replying with:]
I would like to see you. May I visit?
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[action, early December]
So linger outside in the cold himself it is, a package tucked under his arm. Wrapped in festive paper and a ribbon, it's clearly a gift. As the library closes up for the evening, he watches patrons and employees both step out the door and into the street as he waits for his opportunity to catch Northly off-guard.]
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She knew he was nearby thanks to their earrings and the proximity of his bundle of nerves clear enough through the bond regardless, but the package is a true surprise. She thought for sure he would slip away having left it in her
nestbed.]You remembered!
no subject
There are two packages. The first one contains inks in as many colours as they could find. There’s no pen or brush with them - they know she doesn’t need it. And the other is a hair clip, big enough to clip her curly hair back, decorated with familiar green feathers.]