yo northly. i wrote something. its not done but thought i'd show what i have so far. uh yea, hope u like it or whatever. its been fun, probably gonna do more
[Eli has attached a file that's a few chapters long. Unlike the way he types on the network, his writing makes extensive use of his vocabulary and has good grammar and punctuation. Parts of it have tones of dry humor and silliness, while other parts can get pretty intense and impassioned, with more flowery language. Despite the shifts in style, his narrative voice is strong.
The first chapter sets the scene- he has put some of the gods from his universe into essentially a high school AU. He calls it an academy, and it has a more noble/magic vibe than an earth public high school, but same difference. There are your typical school cliques. The jocks and partying/drug-using kids, who don't have any particular characters named. The popular girls, who include Soothea (the sun goddess Eli has beef with), renamed to Sophie, your classic beautiful blonde meangirl, and her sidekick Leandra, (goddess of vanity and selfishness), constantly doing her own makeup in the dining hall.
Mostly, the story focuses on a group of outcasts. Nita, his moon goddess, is cast as a big titty goth girl, a moon elf. Alearah (goddess of elves and knowledge) is a nerdy little high elf who hardly says a word but is top of her class. Deth (god of death), a nonbinary goth person who seems to be there simply to make the clique more emo-flavoured. Aveena, the goddess of love and fertility, cast as a hippie chick who floats between their group and the partying crowd. The main character is Kiddal, a tiefling boy based on the god of fire. Emulating the lore Eli knows of Kiddal in his world, he was a jock on a sportsball team who got too aggressive on the field, and his anger issues led to some very dangerous situations. As a result, he was kicked off the team and exiled from his group of sportsfriends. He ended up at the bottom of the social ladder with the outcasts, but found unlikely love with Aveena. Kiddal's fiery personality is tempered by Aveena's calm warmth, and she shows him a gentler way of being, while in turn he shows her what true passion looks like. Clearly, Eli is projecting some of himself into Kiddal, but he's not a pure self-insert by any means.
In chapter two, Kiddal meets the outcasts, and in chapter three, there's some flirting and tension between him and Aveena.
Eli then adds:]
thinkin about a love triangle with nita or sm. what do u think i wish it was more gay but this is just how the cookie crumbled with the genders of the gods
[Surprised to receive the document, it nonetheless takes Northly only a short time to read through the document Eli sent her. And then she reads through it again, keeping in mind his thoughts on where he might go from here.
Once done, she messages him back. In fact, she messages him several times.]
This is very good!! Kiddal is an interesting hero and I found Sophie and Leandra charming comic relief.
How would you resolve your love triangle if you included it? I must admit to finding them quite tiresome in many stories here. [And she didn't know what they were before she came here. Her world being a huge proponent of the mantra: "Por qué no los dos?" was one reason she wrote a polyamorous story in her novella.] I think rather than with Nita where the resolution is clear [threesome] if you were to include one you could raise the tension by having Aveena begin a relationship with Sophie where the resolution would be more difficult to reach. [So, still a threesome, but it would take a while.]
i also find love triangles overdone but i need some source of conflict. i would probably have it resolve by them all being together lol love the idea of aveena going for sophie, that def adds some drama maybe i could also add conflict another way, kiddal's rep continuing to affect things or his anger issues continuing to be a problem
lmao, i didnt want to put a sex scene where it didnt seem natural. kiddal jerking off, comin right up. i think i could write a chapter from aveena's perspective of her fucking sophie at a party
i COULD change the genders, just to me aveena and kiddal work best as the genders they are. i could make nita a dude and add him in maybe, thatd be hot, idk
Something involving Kiddal's reputation coming into play is a great idea! Perhaps as Aveena and Sophie grow closer, Sophie suggests that Aveena shouldn't be seen to favour someone with that reputation. And then something happens to spark Kiddal's anger leading to Aveena wondering if Sophie was actually correct, though she has difficulty reconciling his anger with the person she knows.
From there Kiddal would need to rebuild his relationship with Aveena, and perhaps get to know Sophie, where the two of them discover they have more in common than they thought. She seems similarly bound by the way others perceive her and inclined to lash out when she feels threatened, Sophie with words and Kiddal with fists.
I like the idea of Nita as a man! Would he retain the same characteristics as the current version? [So, big titty goth dude.]
Depending on your intended length, you could have an arc involving Kiddal's friendship (or "friendship with benefits") with Nita suffering for the attention he is giving the issues between him and Aveena.
these are good ideas. i was originally thinking kiddal and sophie would have been close before, both being super popular, maybe even exes. but i kinda like your idea better of them going a more enemies to friends/lovers route
like, being goth? yea? a tiefling and a goth dude... damn that's some porn i wanna read.
oh, yeah, tieflings are a race of people that have horns and tails and claws and stuff. usually red or purple/bluish skin tones. they look a bit devilish, and people say they have devil in their bloodline. very cool
goth is just a fashion style and associated subculture. wearing a ton of black, spikes/studded stuff, piercings, and sometimes white/black makeup.
Amazing! I don't know of any peoples like that. In my world, those with horns and tails are typically beastfolk, and have skin in shades of brown and cream. Though some cow-kin have skin that is golden-orange, and bird-kin have many different skin colours.
Being around a variety of different peoples is what I am used to, yes. In truth, I was alarmed when I first arrived in Karteria. There are places in my world which have only one people due to the enforcement of those in the community. They are not pleasant. [She served them regardless — as was her duty — but her heart broke every time she saw a child shunned for having ears a little less pointed than their peers or other cruel disputes.]
probably i'd have black hair and paint my face completely white with very dark eye makeup. and wear more spikes. look more scary. i always wished i looked more scary. people tend to think im cute instead. it sucks but what can you do
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
text, @viciousabyss
[Eli has attached a file that's a few chapters long. Unlike the way he types on the network, his writing makes extensive use of his vocabulary and has good grammar and punctuation. Parts of it have tones of dry humor and silliness, while other parts can get pretty intense and impassioned, with more flowery language. Despite the shifts in style, his narrative voice is strong.
The first chapter sets the scene- he has put some of the gods from his universe into essentially a high school AU. He calls it an academy, and it has a more noble/magic vibe than an earth public high school, but same difference. There are your typical school cliques. The jocks and partying/drug-using kids, who don't have any particular characters named. The popular girls, who include Soothea (the sun goddess Eli has beef with), renamed to Sophie, your classic beautiful blonde meangirl, and her sidekick Leandra, (goddess of vanity and selfishness), constantly doing her own makeup in the dining hall.
Mostly, the story focuses on a group of outcasts. Nita, his moon goddess, is cast as a big titty goth girl, a moon elf. Alearah (goddess of elves and knowledge) is a nerdy little high elf who hardly says a word but is top of her class. Deth (god of death), a nonbinary goth person who seems to be there simply to make the clique more emo-flavoured. Aveena, the goddess of love and fertility, cast as a hippie chick who floats between their group and the partying crowd. The main character is Kiddal, a tiefling boy based on the god of fire. Emulating the lore Eli knows of Kiddal in his world, he was a jock on a sportsball team who got too aggressive on the field, and his anger issues led to some very dangerous situations. As a result, he was kicked off the team and exiled from his group of sportsfriends. He ended up at the bottom of the social ladder with the outcasts, but found unlikely love with Aveena. Kiddal's fiery personality is tempered by Aveena's calm warmth, and she shows him a gentler way of being, while in turn he shows her what true passion looks like. Clearly, Eli is projecting some of himself into Kiddal, but he's not a pure self-insert by any means.
In chapter two, Kiddal meets the outcasts, and in chapter three, there's some flirting and tension between him and Aveena.
Eli then adds:]
thinkin about a love triangle with nita or sm. what do u think
i wish it was more gay but this is just how the cookie crumbled with the genders of the gods
1/4
Once done, she messages him back. In fact, she messages him several times.]
This is very good!! Kiddal is an interesting hero and I found Sophie and Leandra charming comic relief.
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[Pro writing tips.]
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love the idea of aveena going for sophie, that def adds some drama
maybe i could also add conflict another way, kiddal's rep continuing to affect things or his anger issues continuing to be a problem
lmao, i didnt want to put a sex scene where it didnt seem natural. kiddal jerking off, comin right up. i think i could write a chapter from aveena's perspective of her fucking sophie at a party
i COULD change the genders, just to me aveena and kiddal work best as the genders they are. i could make nita a dude and add him in maybe, thatd be hot, idk
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From there Kiddal would need to rebuild his relationship with Aveena, and perhaps get to know Sophie, where the two of them discover they have more in common than they thought. She seems similarly bound by the way others perceive her and inclined to lash out when she feels threatened, Sophie with words and Kiddal with fists.
I like the idea of Nita as a man! Would he retain the same characteristics as the current version? [So, big titty goth dude.]
Depending on your intended length, you could have an arc involving Kiddal's friendship (or "friendship with benefits") with Nita suffering for the attention he is giving the issues between him and Aveena.
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like, being goth? yea? a tiefling and a goth dude... damn that's some porn i wanna read.
[It's pretty clear where Eli's proclivities lie.]
yeah totally. complicated poly situationship
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goth is just a fashion style and associated subculture. wearing a ton of black, spikes/studded stuff, piercings, and sometimes white/black makeup.
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Are you a goth?
[Piercings, a lot of black... seems to add up!]
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cow-kin sound similar to firbolgs from my world
yea id consider my style goth i guess. or something adjacent. im not as hardcore as some people
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What would be "hardcore"?
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probably i'd have black hair and paint my face completely white with very dark eye makeup. and wear more spikes. look more scary. i always wished i looked more scary. people tend to think im cute instead. it sucks but what can you do
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You would like to look scary? I find looking cute is far preferable.
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er. thats the general you, not you specifically
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I am aware. It is unlikely that you would be able to destroy me. In my world, I was immortal.
[...]
I prefer being underestimated to being feared.
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can't relate. i'm the opposite. i hate being thought weak or young or dumb, and if someone's scared of me, that means they understand my power.
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In that case, I hope you inspire fear in many. You seemed rather good at it when we met.
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hahah, thanks... i think. the soul is a little TOO good at it, which might become a problem
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cw emeto mention
also cw emeto mention
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